Today on Movie Russian Roulette, Alex watches a series of cameos strung together with a sixth grade script try to pass itself off as one of these things called a "movie."
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| BOY HOWDY, THEM'S FROM THE YEW TUBS! HOW QUIRKY! |
Anthony and Ian are a couple of twentysomethings who live with Ian's parents. Ian spends all day leaving creepy comments on videos of a girl getting her butt massaged. Anthony has a pizza delivery job and is damn proud of it. But, wait! Their high school reunion is that night and Anthony's high school crush is there and Anthony can make up for past mistakes but oh no an embarrassing video of Anthony could ruin his chances and they must stop it!
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| no, but I can escape the reach of your Windows Movie Maker powers |
The movie has a running "joke" (one of many that didn't elicit a single chuckle from me) about how Pokemon is slavery and trainers are cruel. Hey, this time traveling movie's comedy is also stuck in the past! THRILLING.
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| oh, I'm sorry, Magic Pocket Slave Monsters. totally different. |
Ian, leaving a creepy comment on a video: "Do you have a name for your butt? May I suggest... 'Perfect.'"
Ian, the voice of reason: "Are we cooler than we were in high school?"
High-flying pizza delivery boy: "$25 haircut, dude."
YouTube rep the guys talk to about getting the video taken down: "Are you a massive corporation that can threaten us with legal action?"
"...No."
"Then there's nothing I can do to help you. Goodbye." The rep hangs up.
The Bold and the Stupid: "So, is Mr. YouTube available to see us right now?"
Markiplier, as the guys stumble into a horror game he's playing: "Die, puny humans, die!"
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| "It's this movie! Hah ha! ...Oh, I had self-respect once." |
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| cancer, Anthony. cancer most foul. |
Anthony's crush, in a line that is far funnier without context: "Uncle Keith was a furry?"
The dynamic duo have a unique solution to fix Anthony's embarrassing video situation: beat the crap out of him onstage and incite the graduation party into a massive brawl. The video of this naturally goes viral and makes them rich & famous.
Steve YouTube, tracking the boys backwards to the furry video: "Why was this in your viewing list? Sickos."
Butt Massage Girl, who is Ian's girlfriend after the pair change the past: "You don't have a girlfriend."
Anthony: "I don't?"
"You have like 30."
Butt Massage Girl, at the absolute end of the movie: "My name's Brad."
My thoughts: "Screaming internally" doesn't even begin to cover this.
This movie relies on a few things to carry it through its running time: mean-spirited slapstick, cameos from other famous YouTube stars, and clearly wishing it was TRON. Now, before I go any further, I don't hate this movie just because it was done by YouTube folk. Though it's a very mixed bag, I've found a lot to love, and there are people making videos that are far too unique to ever have been given life in "traditional" TV and the like. Complain all you like, but YouTube is a cultural force, and it has its own stars. I think it's a great thing that creative people can make a living off of releasing videos and bypass the old guard of gatekeepers of the studio systems, etc. However, this is kind of unfamiliar territory for most, if not all, of them. Even long YouTube videos tend to barely flirt with half an hour, and this cracks triple that length. To my eye, it seemed clear that the film's stars weren't comfortable with the material and format. I'm not really a fan of SMOSH, but years and years ago I found a few things (which of course I can't find, and might have been from other blandly "wacky" young men making sketch comedy for all I know) I enjoyed. They are, at least, far more animated and energetic in their videos. Maybe they just don't have the stamina for the long haul and finish early into the movie? hurr hurr
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| that joke, though terrible, is funnier than pretty much everything this flick has to offer |
The movie also relies on cringe-worthy tropes in its story. Ian instantly gets with his love interest, never mind that he's been casually stalking her for ages. Anthony learns the important lesson that he just had to be his goofy self to get with the girl of his dreams rather than become rich and famous. Yadda yadda yadda, if you've ever seen a movie you know the routine. The movie makes a halfhearted effort to be snide about using these tired devices, but it doesn't change the fact that it's still using them. If your own movie is pointing out its flaws, you better be one hell of a writer with a talent for metafiction or things are going to collapse awfully quickly.
In the end, this is a pretty picture-perfect example of a "for the fans" type of work. Already like these two guys and the other YouTube stars they've got along for the ride? If so, you might like this, if only for the novelty. Anyone else should stay far, far away. This is the kind of bad movie that thinks it's being revolutionary, or at least a little bit fresh and clever when it's just dumpster diving plot elements even Hollywood threw out decades ago. YouTubers have their own platform and style; why ruin a good thing by trying to constrain themselves to a traditional format they're in many ways the evolution of? That may seem a little high-minded, but the point stands that none of these people really needed this video. It stands as a strange oddity, like when Michael Jordan decided to be in a movie or David Spade thought he could act. Things just feel... off, because people are trying to squeeze their skill sets into places they don't quite belong. YouTubers should make their freeform stuff where they don't have to be constrained, Michael Jordan probably should have stuck to basketball, and David Spade should continue being forgotten by the world. I dunno. Trying new things is good, but at least take a few practice runs at it first. This kind of feels like a rush job or first draft of a movie. If it were cleaned up, I still don't think I'd want to see it, but surely somebody out there is the target audience for this. Right?
...Right?
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| You can see the fear of utter failure in his eyes for just a moment |
Begone forever, movie, and die in obscurity! I give this movie a Nicolas Cage Steals a Bicycle out of five. Book the faces and throw me money on Patreon if you want but I have a job again so I'm not about to starve or anything.
This review makes me glad I don't know what a Smosh is.
ReplyDeleteAlso makes me wonder if those Tumblr posts about how problematic Markiplier is weren't on to something. I mean, clearly he has no self-respect...