Empty Chamber #1

Sometimes, I try and I try, but I can't find a movie I can tear into enough to write an entertaining review about it. So, I'm introducing a new thing today: the Empty Chamber. For all those times I want to play Movie Russian Roulette but just can't find the right ammo.

These reviews will focus on movies I've seen that I tried to watch for the blog, but either weren't bad or weren't bad enough. They'll be very curt reviews, summing things up briefly, but I'll go over at least four movies as I do it. Expect my choice of films to be all over the map (although American action flicks tend to be my forte, as they have at least a decent chance of being schlocktastic).

Movies reviewed in this post are: Beowulf, Agent F.O.X. (found on Netflix, a quick Google search is coming up dry for further information), Species, and Curse of the Dragon Slayer.

Zardoz (1984)

Forget everything you think you know about bad movies. I just saw the king of them all.

Yes, that is Sean Connery in a thong.

Sharknado (2013)

Yes.

Jingle All the Way (1996)

Today on Movie Russian Roulette, I suffer through this abortion of cinema.

I really should have saved this one for December. Then I could've had some rumnog and made the pain go away.

Overview: The universe shits on Arnold Schwarzenegger repeatedly.

Brick Mansions (2014)

Today on Movie Russian Roulette, I take a look at Brick Mansions, which restored my faith in my hobby after my viewing (and subsequent attempt to write a post about) of The Starving Games. (Short version on Games: it's bad, never give it your money in any way, and not even I think it's worth watching. It is an abortion against all good taste and does not even have ironic redeeming qualities.)

Anyway, this movie. This was a new experience in bad moviegoing for me. It was new enough that I was actually able to catch it at a movie theater, which meant I had to maintain a minimum level of sobriety through the experience. Terrifying.

Paul Walker died for your drunk driving sins

Sleepaway Camp (1983)

It's bad.

It's so fucking bad.

It Could Happen to You (1994)

Today on Movie Russian Roulette, we take a look at It Could Happen to You, a romantic comedy starring, yes, Nicolas Cage. What could possibly go wrong?

ALLLLVA. ALLLLVA!