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| what the fuck happened?! |
Seriously, I'm breaking my format a bit for this one. The plot barely even matters; this is just another paint-by-black-audience-numbers about a few Compton boys trying to get out through rap. And then enter the Leprechaun. The rhyming, murderous, devil-may-care Leprechaun, still played with "what am I doing here" desperate energy by the peerless Warwick Davis. Somehow, with this bizarre formula, the filmmakers decide to play the story mostly straight, barely even attempting to inject any comedy into this cesspool devoid of human creativity, joy, or respect for its (retroactively elevated) predecessors.
Anyway.
The story, such as it is, revolves around up-and-coming rapper Postmaster P and his two friends trying to hit it big. Along the way, they run into obstacles like a ruthless gangster (played by Ice T) and the titular Leprechaun.
I know I often barely describe the plot in these Overview sections, but this time it's not out of laziness or impatience to start trashing the movie. That's seriously all the movie is. For a movie that has Leprechaun in the fucking title, he's hardly given any time. Instead, we spend time with bland Postmaster P, and his two friends that you can only tell apart because one is literally a fat virgin. They otherwise have exactly the same personalities.
I review B movies here. I'm not looking for much to declare them relative masterpieces. But when a movie puts so little effort and throws Adam Sandler levels of stupid bullshit at the wall, my ire is raised. This movie series holds an odd place in my heart, and the first four have a weird spirit of playfulness and self-awareness that's endearing once one gets past the... everything else. This movie? This fucking movie? It's nothing. It's hollow. It's empty. I honestly have no idea why this exists, because it's not exactly like the movie was riding the recent coattails of the last film. I... I'm just going to move on to the next section before Overview swallows the rest of the post.
Notable moments/quotes: When two gangsters break into his crib, the Leprechaun kills the first one with a convenient plastic comb that was in said gangster's afro. (Really.)
He then overheats a gun out of a gangster's hand through the power of special effects so bad, I could do better after 24 hours of drinking nothing but the foulest rotgut whiskey and performing data entry.
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| I might not even need a computer |
Postmaster P's generic friend: "Just like Robin Hood, cept we robbin' in the hood!"
Guess: "Unhand me loot, ya thieving hoods. Ya got more loot than Tiger Woods."
This movie introduces a new power for the Leprechaun in the form of a magic flute that entrances all who hear its song. Post and his crew use this power to convince the masses their shitty rap is off the heezy or whatever. I'm way too white to use the lingo correctly. The Leprechaun also has a harem of mind-controlled sex slaves to do his bidding. (This is important later.)
Postmassa, having a revelation: "We really fuckin' suck... shit!"
The Leprechaun, when the aforementioned tranny hits on him: "I didn't come to play with fruit."
Post's fat, virgin bro comes up with a killer plan to take out the Leprechaun: douche, lube, and electricity makes a bomb that lights the Lep's whole body on fire.
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| Seriously. |
Post's grandma, to his fat friend: "Boy, you still a virgin?"
"Yes ma'am."
At one point, the Leprechaun is ignored. He reacts... poorly.
Post and co. enact a daring plan: get the Leprechaun high on four-leaf clover laced weed to make him lose his powers. However, he'll see them coming if they aren't careful, so they go in disguise.
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| here I thought I'd only see one shitty movie involving crossdressing black men in my lifetime |
Other crossdresser: "Damn, Post, you look good for real!"
Post: "Fuck you, nigga!"
Leprechaun, creeping on Post Don Corneo style: "Sit down, sit down, my healthy filly. You're about to meet a club named Billy."
Post's last surviving friend, just before dying: "There pussy in heaven, Post?"
Leprechaun, about to throw down with Post for one final time: "I'll take [the flute] from ya, lad, just wait 'n see. For the lep, they say, is the real OG."
At the movie's climax, we see Postmaster P doing a solo act to thunderous applause from the audience... only to reveal that he's been hypnotized by the Leprechaun.
My thoughts: All the other Leprechaun movies thus far have been fun bad movies. This is not a fun bad movie. This movie takes itself so seriously and it trying so hard for Compton grit that even when its male heroes are in dresses and battling a killer leprechaun, there are few to no jokes in the whole script.
I've already ranted a fair bit about my general issues with this movie, but I'd like to hone in on a few specifics.
First of all, this movie goes for the easiest, laziest possible jokes, ironically often based on stereotypes. For a movie so blatantly designed to get money from what I assume the executives called the "urban" market, this movie is far more into stereotypes and discrimination than any Leprechaun movie that came before it.
I didn't mention this character before, but early in the movie there's an inconsequential Asian shopkeep. His character only exists for two reasons: 1) provide a cheap gag about how Asians are weird and can't get funky like Post and co. and 2) get killed by the Leprechaun. But I mean, sure, maybe that's just a momentary lapse. Then we get to Fontaine, the transvestite. The movie aims lots of jokes at him flirting with the heroes, who then get weirded out. Even when the boys walk in on the Leprechaun murdering their host, it's shot in such a way that it looks like he's having gay sex with someone under the covers, and the noises made while he's being strangled sound more like ecstasy noises than cries for help. Then again, maybe he had a thing for getting choked. Who knows.
However, most damning of all is the treatment this movie gives to its own African-American heroes. While the crew starts out wanting to deliver rap with a "positive message," as they get more tangled up in their money problems and dealing with the various people after them, they slide into acting more like stereotypical hoods. Post himself has as the climax of his character arc Ice T's character saying things like "You ain't gonna shoot me" "You're no gangster" only for Post to shoot him in cold blood. Not exactly an inspiring transformation. On top of that, the movie puts them in drag, blunting any of their growing masculinity and even implying that Post's friend might have a gay crush on him. To add injury to insult, at the end of the movie, the goddamn Leprechaun wins!
Now, normally in one of these movies, I'd be overjoyed to see the Leprechaun win. He's always a more fun character than anyone else in these movies, and that certainly holds true in these movies, where the main characters get next to no character development. However, in this movie it feels a little more like watching an American presidential election, closely following the two candidates, only for a small white dog to win the election out of nowhere.
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| still a better candidate than Mrs. CNN Owns Me LOL |
Ultimately, where the other films brought me some measure of joy and laughter, this movie brings only emptiness. I was left feeling numbed after this movie for a good long while before anger set in. Usually after a bad movie, I feel amused, angry, disgusted, or just... anything. Anything at all. But this movie has no soul, so it fails to elicit any kind of reaction. It just leaves any audiences unfortunate enough to see it feeling exhausted and drained.
I give this movie a Nic Cage Can't Get Over This Robe out of five. Please send condolences for witnessing the end of these movies being fun on Facebook and my Patreon page.
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