Empty Chamber #2

Well friends, it's that time again: Alex watched a few movies that he had a few things to say about, but for one reason or another weren't worthy of a full blog post. Up this time are Dead Heat, The Black Gestapo, Heavenly Sword, The Way of the Dragon (aka Return of the Dragon), and Mantera.


Dead Heat

This movie was described to me as the best zombie buddy copy movie the world had ever seen. And that's honestly a good summation of it. Two 80s cops trade hilarious banter, get killed, and then fight crime as increasingly grotesque zombies. This film has a ton of humor and gets a lot of very clever mileage out of the zombie condition. This movie actually managed to replace my previous favorite for buddy cop-ish movie (Midnight Run), so I'd say this to be well worth watching on its own merits as a slightly cheesy but ultimately quality movie. This one was a pleasant surprise!

The Black Gestapo

Now this one started with real promise. The movie opened with a Nazied out black guy delivering an impassioned speech to some folks on the street that was uncomfortably racist. Now, I grew up in the Midwest, so I can deal with at least at little racism. However, for around ten awkward minutes, this guy delivers a speech that basically boils down to "Black people are worthless, so we're standing up for 'em." This organization somehow gets funding from California, and basically helps out poor black people where they can in nonviolent ways. However, that all changes when two army members get killed by two white guys harrassing a nurse leaving the Gestapo's HQ. With reluctance, a division with self-defense training is formed, and they clean up the streets before hitting up the stores for protection money and running drugs themselves.

Despite its hammy opening, not a whole lot outrageous or hilarious happens in this movie. It's definitely one of those films you see just because of the title. But I was left without much to comment on, so here we are.

Heavenly Sword

This movie, based off a video game I never played, featured decent animation and a bog-standard plot about a magic sword that can take down an evil king, blah blah blah, revenge for her family. The only bright spot was the character of Kai, the main character's little sister, who talks in the second person, does neat acrobatic tricks with her crossbow-gun thing, and says "Kai likes blood" a lot. This adorable psychopath kept me entertained for the movie's duration, but again, I was left without much to comment on. Asleigh Ball's voice work really kept... wait, a VA who's best-known for My Little Pony did a bang-up job voicing a character with this much bloodlust?! Ye gods. I should have done my research on this one beforehand. I kind of want to talk about it now... but really, that's the only interesting part of the movie.

Return of the Dragon

Bruce Lee fights white gangsters who are bullying a Chinese restaurant for around an hour and little of interest happens. Then, the gangsters call in a real heavy from the U.S. to help them take out Lee: Chuck Norris.

Yes. Chuck Norris and Bruce Lee have a knock-down, drag-out fight as the climax of this movie. And it's pretty damn great.

Unfortunately, a post about this movie would have been nothing but me talking about that fight, which I imagine would get boring pretty quickly.

Mantera

Full disclosure, I have no idea why I didn't do a post on this movie.

An Indian kid gets a package in the mail that he builds into a motorcycle that also becomes a mecha suit for his body and lets him fight evil. Said motorcycle is also apparently over 4,000 years old and is the subject of an ancient prophecy stating that it is a gift from God and the only hope against a coming alien invasion. ...I should maybe re-watch this one, much as I generally like to have my reviews be my initial impressions so there's more rage/amusement for y'all to enjoy.

Well, I've got a whole slew of other bad movies to try, so hopefully I'll have worse luck in the days to come on my choice of movie! Blah blah Facebook