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| so 80s it had to be made 30 years later |
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| "The greatest criminal of all time." |
What, you want more? What you see is what you get here... the most magnificent piece of cinematic achievement that humanity shall ever witness. I cannot suck this movie's dick enough for how good this is. Let's move straight into the over-the-top excellence.
Notable moments/quotes: Kung Fury is spending a little quality time with his girlfriend in his rooftop dojo penthouse. "Yeah. That's my bicep."
Kung Fury, explaining how he got his kung-fu powers after seeing his partner die: "Before I could pull the trigger, I was hit by lightning and bitten by a cobra."
Our lord and savior Kung Fury: "Knock knock."
Helpless fool of a villain: "Who's there?"
KF: "Knuck... les." He then kicks the evildoer into a handy oil tanker, which explodes as Kung Fury slowly walks away.
Adolf Hitler, after traveling through time, calls the Chief on an 80s cell phone. He begins shooting cops through the phone after the Chief answers.
"Fuck! That's a laser raptor! They were supposed to have gone extinct!"
Kung Fury gets some timely help from a Viking babe wielding a minigun, Barbarianna, who offers to give him a "ride to Asgard" and then has a friend summon Thor. (All we needed was a "It shall be engraved upon your soul" and this would have become the best and least expected video game movie adaptation ever.)
Thor: "Behold, it is I, Thor, son of Odin and protector of mankind. Check out my pecs."
Kung Fury: "Your pecs are epic."
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| "Thanks, bro." |
During the scene where Kung Fury literally fights the entire German army, my notes have only one word written over and over because my brain could not process anything else: "Awesome." Repeated viewings have failed to give me anything more coherent. Have I mentioned that everyone should watch this movie?
Kung Fury: "You don't need that spine." He rips out the man's spine through his throat. "It's holding you back."
Hitler, trying the "We're not so different" speech: "We're so alike, we finish each other's..."
Kung Fury: "Balls."
My thoughts: Watch this movie. Watch this movie. Watch this movie. Watch this movie. Watch this movie. Watch this movie. Watch this movie.Watch this movie. Watch this movie. Watch this movie. Watch this movie. Watch this movie. Watch this movie. Watch this movie. Watch this movie. Watch this movie. Watch this movie. Watch this movie. Watch this movie. Watch this movie. Watch this fucking movie. Watch this movie. Watch this movie. Watch this movie. Watch this movie.
Seriously, this is a movie that contains a Triceratops cop named Triceracop who speaks with a posh British accent and dispatches evildoers by shooting them in the crotch, and he barely even deserves mention alongside all the other ridiculous shit in this movie. This is a movie that contains a killer arcade machine that becomes a giant mecha and is defeated after a battle done hanging off a helicopter except when the battle moves to space and it barely even deserves mention alongside all the other ridiculous shit in this movie. This is a movie that contains one of the most obvious yet brilliant sendups of product placement I've ever seen and it barely even deserves mention alongside all the other ridiculous shit in this movie. This is a movie that portrays a G.I. Joe style animation world as the afterlife and includes its own theme song as the hero tries to arrest his spirit animal and it barely even deserves mention alongside all the other ridiculous shit in this movie. This movie features David Hasselhoff as the voice of a Knight Rider-style supercar and it barely even deserves mention alongside all the other ridiculous shit in this movie.
This movie shatters my rating scale. Some things not even Cage can touch.
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| sad but true |
Facebook.
Watch this movie.
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