Maximum Conviction (2012)

Today on Movie Russian Roulette, Alex watches a movie co-starring Steven Seagall and Steve Austin. Gods help me.

Any Jewish readers should beware all the ham to follow

Overview: Two ex-soldiers defend, then attack a high-security prison. Steven Seagal tries to be cool and fails, since he can't match his masterpiece and Austin is... well, he's alright. The plot revolves around two women considered high-value prisoners by the CIA held while the facility is being decommissioned and blah blah blah GUNFIGHTS!

Underworld (2003)

Today on Movie Russian Roulette, Alex ventures  back to the dark days when he was an angsty teen and the worst shit was cool. Including this garbage. This is Underworld.

yes, she is unironically posing moodily with a trenchcoat. The early 00s were a strange time.

Overview: Selene is a Death Dealer, a vampire dedicated to seeking out and destroying the sworn enemies of her kind: werewolves, called Lycans. A mission brings her into contact with a perfectly ordinary human named Michael, save for his unique condition: he was born without a personality. Can love bloom, even on the battlefield as Michael as kidknapped by werewolves and Selene has to bust out her Distressed Dude?

The Ridiculous 6 (2015)

Today on Movie Russian Roulette, Alex watches Adam Sandler desperately try to stay relevant.

Netflix, what have you done?

Overview: Tommy "White Knife" is a badass warrior raised by Apaches. All is well in his life, as he's about to marry his Apache girlfriend Smoking Fox (seriously), but then complications arise! His father, an affable former bandit, arrives seeking to patch things up with his son and give him the small fortune he's tucked away to make amends for his life a crime. The dad's former gang spirits him away, and with help from a quote-unquote "zany" cast of characters who all happen to be his half-brothers, Tommy sets off to get their dad back.

Over the Top (1987)

Fuck, how do I do this again? What is this about?

ah yes of course

Today on Movie Russian Roulette, Alex watches a movie from the 80s about arm wrestling. And evil old people. And being a trucker? This is "Why in God's Name Did Someone Let Sylvester Stallone Touch the Screenplay!"

aka Over the Top

Overview: Lincoln Hawk (often referred to as "Linc" for some reason) is a trucker who left his wife ten years ago because of reasons that aren't ever explained. He goes to pick his kid up from a weird military academy that accepts 8 year olds because of more reasons! They road trip and bond for like ten minutes and then it's an arm wrestling tournament for 50 minutes. ...Yeah.

Happy new year!

Sorry for the lack of updates lately; I just started a new job on top of holiday things happening. I'll get back to this as soon as I have everything balanced again!

Smosh: the Movie (2015)

Whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

Today on Movie Russian Roulette, Alex watches a series of cameos strung together with a sixth grade script try to pass itself off as one of these things called a "movie."

BOY HOWDY, THEM'S FROM THE YEW TUBS! HOW QUIRKY!

Overview: A couple of guys who have inexplicably found massive success on YouTube try to put on the big boy pants and make an actual movie. It fails.

Ratatoing (2007)

Today on Movie Russian Roulette, Alex has traumatic flashbacks to the likes of Foodfight!

The horror. The horror.

Before I begin, it is my sad duty to inform you that this movie has been uploaded to YouTube by its creators. You can suffer along with me for free!